What I hate about crisis

What I hate about crisis :

I hate thinking about the innocent people whose lives are disrupted due to crisis: ordinary, innocent people trying to earn their daily bread who have to flee because of violence.

I hate trying to help a patient when suddenly my mind is sidetracked by the sound of rapid gunfire.

I hate thinking of all of the children who are being robbed of the joy of their childhood because they are being forced to grow up in this atmosphere of violence.

I hate not knowing what to pray for, or even how to pray.

I hate the feeling of hopelessness, that I can’t do anything to stop the rapidly rotating cycle of hatred, killing, revenge, hatred, killing, revenge, hatred, killing…

I hate thinking of the youth who are being ruined on the inside because of the pressure to participate in violence from their peers and, heaven help us, even their family and religious leaders.

I hate jumping at every little sound, wondering if it is indeed more gunfire, or just a mango falling onto a tin roof.

I hate tensing my ears whenever a new person comes into the compound in case it's news of happenings in town, or feeling my heart race when I receive a text message, incase it is an alert of unrest.

I hate that only a few wayward individuals with guns or bombs can ruin the peacebuilding efforts of many.

I hate that only a few wayward individuals can ruin the integrity of their entire religion.

I hate canceling clinics due to the threat of violence, then wondering if it was really necessary to cancel or if I am too fearful of only a small threat.

I hate thinking of the children whose education is being disrupted due to violence. How can we expect children to become intelligent, productive citizens if they can’t even attend school?

I hate thinking of the precious people I know who live in “border areas,” wondering if they are safe.

I hate looking out over the beauty of creation – the hills, the rocks, the trees, the flowers – and then realizing how much we are desecrating God’s wonderful creation by spilling human blood.

I hate thinking about the newly-created widows and newly-created orphans, and how their lives are being forever changed by a very short moment of senseless hatred.

I hate thinking about all of the homes and businesses that are being destroyed. I hate thinking about how the people who are affected will now have to take money from their children’s feeding and school fees to rebuild these structures.

I hate that every new crisis makes the wounds that much deeper and more difficult to heal.

We want peace. 

We pray for peace. 

But what are we willing to do to achieve peace? 

Peace will not just float down from heaven. 

We must work peace from within. 

Are we willing to turn away from the hatred and anger and instead demonstrate love to our enemies, even if our hearts are still hurting? 

Are we willing to counsel those who are angry, to try to convince them that hatred only leads to more violence? 

Are we willing to work with the other side to achieve peace? 

Are we willing to stop the cycle of violence by not meeting violence with more violence? 

Are we willing to forgive?

I hate crisis.